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she brings this liberation that I just can't define
can I reach you on this frequency
Written at 3:23 AM on Thursday, January 28, 2010

The words start running backwards, as if someone was rewinding time.

It's like when you write a really long message on your phone and when you're done, there's that split second where you have to decide whether you want to send the message or whether it's best that your thoughts are tucked away, never to be discovered. And so your thumb hovers above the green send button and the red delete button - vacillating between the two, unable to settle. And finally you decide it's better to stay quiet and you slowly delete the words you've written....and the words start running backwards as if someone was rewinding time.


I'm beginning to enjoy this self-inflicted suffering...to purposely sink downwards, always surfacing at the last minute when I can no longer bear the weight upon my lungs. Of course, I'm ok. I'm always ok.

Anyways, I'm wondering if you read this at all....and if you do, what you would be thinking right now. Whether you'd be concerned or whether you would brush it off. Whether it would make you stop and re-read it again, trying to decipher the meanings between the fine lines. But this is of course all moot point because I don't think you read this - at least you haven't for a while, and I don't know if you ever will again.

Sadly, there won't be any applauses from this empty crowd.